Doin’ the deed on the Danube: Part 1

Doin’ the deed on the Danube: Part 1

Personal butlers, exclusive excursions; French champagne at breakfast – here’s our review of Scenic Jasper.

It’s day three, we’re moving as slowly as the picturesque sun setting on the emerald Danube; I’m relaxing in the hot tub on the top deck when I decide I’m taking a river cruise for my honeymoon. Sure, I’m not even engaged, yet, but this river cruising virgin is hooked.

You’ve seen the headlines, sang (poorly) with the piano man; slurped the pina coladas – cruising is booming, yada yada yada … We get it, it’s a gargantuan travel industry success while other sectors are forced to consolidate or go niche, in simple terms, going up sh*t creek without a paddle.

You’ve most likely even stepped on the gangplank of one (or many) of these mammoth sized floating shopping malls that take the sea highway in and out of city harbours each summer.

However, what’s rare to be seen locally and therefore generally a blip on many potential cruisers’ radar, is the industry’s smallest-by-size but biggest-by-style secret weapon – river cruising.

Scenic 10

Green or Blue? The Danube

Buoy, these nifty “little” vessels pack a punch, and could tip your client over from impersonal big ship cruising to trying something more bespoke; or even overcome a travel agent’s biggest hurdle, persuading land-only rovers to travel via waterways.

As a novice small ship sailor, I happily accepted an invite to attend the christening of Scenic’s newest jewel in the crown, Scenic Jasper in April. Sailing the Danube on a charter from Vienna to Budapest prior to the traditional bustling European river cruising season, as well as being one of the first to sail-test this brand new ship – Christmas had indeed come early.

Budapest

Budapest

At that time, the next-generation Jasper “Space Ship” also represented a new leaf for Scenic; coinciding with the Newcastle-based company’s entire brand relaunch featuring a sleeker, more sophisticated identity to fit with a revived luxury positioning to promote “A World of Wonder” – aka, wow moments. The christening also marked the first time an internationally acclaimed ‘Godmother’ had been appointed for the liner, the hilarious and arguably most-down-to-earth friend of George Clooney, Australian-author Kathy Lette.

KathyLetteScenicJasper

In the spirit of full disclosure, I admit, I am a sizeist when it comes to cruising for fear of feeling like I was stuck in a floating coffin at sea: bigger equals space, and therefore better, or so I had thought. But seeing Jasper striking from bow to stern glistening on the Danube, its appearance framed perfectly against an equally stunning Vienna skyline, the notion of confined spaces was fast replaced with ooh’s and ah’s.

After the Veuve Clicquot is smashed on the bow by Jasper’s “Goddess” (as Lette preferred) and formal proceedings wrap, 100-or-so guests including Scenic’s sales team, handpicked Aussie travel agents and media venture on board for our 7-night exclusive stay.

Onboard:

4.5/5 stars

Whoever said first impressions count probably didn’t think the saying could be made when referring to an object, but here goes. Anyone who’s travelled on both river cruise and ocean liner will immediately agree – the boarding process on a river cruise is so, so much more civilised!

Gone are lengthy queues and tedious security checks; replaced with waiters in tuxedo’s serving pink champagne (the real drop) escorting you to the lounge (in Jasper’s case, the River Café) for canapés. Seated, you hand over your passport for the boarding process to take place “back stage” aka, who cares – you’re sipping champagne.

By now, the luggage you parted with at your hotel earlier in the day has been screened (travel irons are strictly forbidden on cruise ships of all sizes), and transferred to your suite, seamlessly and without hassle.

River Cafe

River Cafe

After a brief introduction by the ship’s Captain and Cruise Director, Frank, I’m introduced to my personal butler Kris, whom from that point will always be fondly remembered as “Kris-9-Jobs”, as I later find out, he’s also one of Jasper’s top waiters, bartenders and master purveyor of bad Dad-jokes.

Mind you, all this has taken place within about 30 minutes of venturing onboard this “Space Ship”; needless to say, I’ve already had my first of many wow moments.

Cabins:

4.5/5 stars

I’m in one of the 12 Balcony Suites on Jasper’s Diamond Deck – the top of its four decks and my room type slides just behind the Deluxe Balcony Suite (a fragment 2m2 bigger) as well as the crème de la crème, Panorama and Junior Suites, reserved for Lette and her posse.

Scenic Jasper Panorama Suite

Scenic Jasper Panorama Suite

We enter the room to find my bags are placed on top of “Luggage Mats” at the foot of the bed, but the ever-so-handy Kris advises there’s ample space underneath due to Jasper’s smart design to maximise floor space. Often used in cruise ad campaigns, “You only need to unpack once” rings true as every room is fitted out with a massive wardrobe.

Scenic 4

I’m told the plush bed isn’t just fitted with any mattress, but one handpicked by Scenic’s owners who know a good night’s sleep is one of the most valuable aspects of the river cruise experience. Alongside, naturally, is a pillow menu – the trendy amenity to any five-star boutique hotel stays these days.

Kris then shows me the second best thing in my suite, the all-inclusive, unlimited, fully stocked mini-bar. Snacks, liquor, wine, what else could you want? Interestingly – after 7 nights – I realise I never touched a single item. The entire cruise experience is a stream of excess consumption – you’d be hard pressed to go hungry or thirsty on deck, so I certainly didn’t feel the need to carry on the indulgence solo in my room.Scenic Jasper Deluxe Balcony Suite

The other significant factor that differentiates Scenic from competitor lines is almost every suite on every ship offers an exclusive balcony and river views. With the touch of a button, the glass glides smoothly and I’m suddenly standing in a sun lounge fitted with deck chairs for sundowners or breakfast in bathrobes. Lovely, but just remember, an expansive window means when docked alongside another vessel, you’re very much exposed, so keep the curtains drawn if you don’t want a rude awakening in the morning.

Be sure to read part two of this ship review when we tackle eating, entertainment and excursions on Scenic Jasper.

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